Brave through Grace

Baby girl in a big people’s world, zippered up jammies with holes in the toes

Father, sister angry and abusive; brothers and mother neglecting, no one knows

Little girl coloring, dreaming of ponies; socks and jeans and pink shirts

Kind and gentle, obedient, wanting affection, acceptance, afraid of this love that hurts

Bath time for cleansing, splashing, making bubbles, playing and fun

Water rising, lying in the tub, unwanted touch, never can it be undone

Evil smirks, innocence lost, shame so deep, shatter in pieces this tiny soul

She wonders does she matter, is she loved, can anyone ever fill the holes

Lungs burning, can’t breathe, can’t scream, choked

Grabbing, pulling, flailing, terrified, the carpet soaked

Lines crossed, pain so sharp, wet cloth in mouth to stifle the screams of fear

Hold it in, be quiet, stay still, don’t dare say a word, don’t shed a tear

Awaken from sleep, panicked, questioning, held by big brother, his love is felt

Betrayed by one, defended by another, nothing will stop the ravages of dad’s belt

Abuse upon abuse, holes in her soul widening, aching as she silently cries

Afraid, alone, defeated, hopeless, inside her mind she silently shouts all her Why’s

Five, seven, eleven, thirteen, sixteen, molesting, raping, violations of her soul

How long must this go on, who will stop it, can she, will she ever be whole

Forty-five years of silently suffering, afraid to tell, controlled and abused

Desparately grasping for love, her body for sex, giving herself away to be used

Now a woman of fifty on her therapist’s couch, she’s questioning still

Do I matter, am I loved, how could all of this be God’s will?

Shame, mistrust, defeated, rejected, grief, unbelief, all consuming rage

Fear of abandonment, deep sorrow of what’s been stolen, effects of their sin’s wage

Memory upon memory, a door opened to the past flooding her brain

Body sensations, nightmares, flashbacks, she feels she’s going insane

Afraid to sleep, crying out in the night to the One she knows is true Love

Can anyone hear me, does anyone see, is anyone listening above

His vessel understanding, validating, teaching, leading, always pointing to the cross

Walking through this traumatic memory, affirming, lovingly assuring all is not lost

False reality shattered, no more protection, devestated, questioning why she exists

If she didn’t wake tomorrow, disappeared, would she even be missed

Not alone in the storm the vessel reminds, never has been, will never be

Ever pointing to the Son, bearing our shame, He died on a tree

Wave upon wave of emotion, uncontrollable anguish, reality is beginning to be faced

Tears streaming, truth embraced, self contempt gone, anger no longer displaced

At the dinner table sitting in silence, alone, husbandless, barren, an unbearable ache so deep

Shunned by her family, friends busy with life, where’s her meaning and purpose she weeps

Grieving, her soul aching for lost dreams, for what could have been

No reasons to understand, she’s racking her mind to comprehend

Vessel encourages to seek, trust, and pray, for she’s held in the palm of His loving hands

Tells her she’s courageous, beautiful, strong, loveable and in the middle His great big perfect plan

Accepting all realities, past and present, still not sure why she’s here

Now hoping for healing, believing, feeling Jesus is ever so near

Heard, seen, believed, known, adored, protected, Love made a way

Grace upon grace for brave little girl and the woman she is today

5yo-me

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One thought on “Brave through Grace

  1. I’m so sorry for all the hurts you endured as that little girl. No child should have to experience such pain. I believe there is great healing power and prevention in sharing our stories. I wish you well in your writing and healing.

    Liked by 1 person

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